Throwing up sucks.
Guys experience this kind of suffering for one of three reasons
- We're ill, as in infected or diseased
- We've had too much to drink
- We've been kicked where... well, you know
A guy vomiting because his body is in the throws of a hormonal shift? Not likely. Unless, of course, the guy is actually a pregnant lady who looks like a man. What a strange and wonderful world we live in.
This past Sunday marked the turning of the 10th week. We are ten weeks pregnant. I am feeling no ill-effects, except a little sleep deprivation and some pain in my abdomen (struck somewhere between the Thai and the crunches). Our baby "is barely the size of a kumquat."
(Thank goodness one of us knows what that means - "about the size of a grape" made so much more sense to me on week 9. I'll stick with "slightly bigger than a grape" until someone shows me an actual kumquat.)
But I digress. For Wifey, the passing of the tenth week marks the 4th week of digestive misery. Clearly, my tummy ache, one-hundred-percent self-inflicted, is no means by which to develop empathy for her condition. If I were throwing up all the time, I'd throw back a shot of Pepto, or get myself to the doctor, or stop eating. Unfortunately, not only would none of these "solutions" lead to a net increase in Wifey's comfort level, none of them are reasonable treatments for her body-turn-incubator.
To date, we have tried
- Ginger root tea - spicy and bitter (even with honey), initially soothing, but ineffective overall
- Gingerale - good ol' Canada Dry, not exactly good for her, but great at soothing the upper phases of the digestive tract
- Doble Fibra - "Double Fiber," a brand of toast, made in Mexico, sold in Wal-Mart - has been the "before you get out of bed" primer for the last two and a half weeks, accompanied by a glass of juice
- Tums - for heartburn
- Maalox - for heartburn, after we grew tired of the chalky-nasty Tums experience
- Walking - helps to motivate the lower phases of the digestive tract, but doesn't do much for the nausea; incidentally, in the depth of February, Wal-Mart is a great place to walk
Today we tried saltines.
Believe it or not, saltines are the most effective treatment: minimal volume (four crackers was enough - five is a serving, which means it can be eaten anytime, even when not hungry), and they provide immediate relief.
Now, we must take into consideration that the effectiveness of this treament may also be getting a boost from Wifey being so near to the end of the first-trimester. Also, no one should be popping saltines on a regular basis. If you're planning on giving this one a shot, make sure to balance the sodium intake with plenty of water.
Still, we're not taking her ease for granted. Our toolkit remains full of all the other treatments, and we'll be doing lots more walking in the months to come.
Trust me: at this phase, empathy is impossible.
Need a great way to show her you care? I've got three words for you guys: clean the house.
