There’s a lot of mystery about pregnancy, especially for the expectant father.  I can’t feel the baby growing.  I won’t feel it kick, or turn (not necessarily a bad thing, I suppose).  And owed to Wifey being somewhat opaque, I have no idea what baby Wifey looks like!

Pregnancy Web sites do their best to help both Wifey and I relate the growth and development of our baby to things on the outside.  We’re using BabyCenter.com.  (I haven’t been looking at it very often.  Strike one.) You may have read my disdain for the kumquat reference in Week 10.

Unfortunately, Week 11 isn’t much better: future little Wifey is now the size of a fig.

A fig?

Now, I may have been exaggerating when I complained about the kumquat reference.  (In fact, Wifey was kind enough to remind me that she’s prepared kumquats for me in the past.  Strike two.)  But in all honesty, I have absolutely never met a fig that didn’t come dried from a bag. Period.

Much to my surprise (strike three, dummy), the Web site we’ve been following has a photo slideshow of the progression.  Each object used to relate the size of our baby is juxtaposed with a US quarter dollar, which is just the help I needed.  Much to Wifey’s chagrin, week 37’s frame of reference is a small watermelon.  (And if that doesn’t make you grab your own tummy and groan, week 38 is a pumpkin: just in time for Fall.)

So, this post was supposed to be about relating the size of the baby to computer parts.  But now that I have a photographic reference, coming up with 38 relationships between microchips and fetuses seems like a waste of time.   Entertaining to geeks everywhere, but not really any more useful that what the Baby Center has to offer.

OK, OK.  Just one.

At week 15, she’s as big as my iPhone.  There.  I said it.

Time to retreat back to my cave.

—

Wifey: You’ve never had a real fig before?

Me: No.

Wifey: Never?

Me: No, really.

Wifey: You know, you can get them at Costco, sometimes.  You’ll have to try one.  They’re so sweet!

Me: Is this something I can get when we’re in Mexico?

Wifey: I don’t know.  Figs are something you get in the Fall.

Something tells me that by the time I get around to having a real fig, I’ll be wishing it was a pumpkin.